5 steps to a more positive life

Written by Gillian Skeer on October 8th, 2014.      2 comments

We’ve all heard people say “cheer up”, “put a smile on your dial”, “get on with it”, though sometimes it seems to be a little easier said than done, doesn’t it?

Being positive can be a challenge under trying circumstances and there is no doubt there are times when non-positive emotions, like grief for example, are perfectly appropriate for the situation.

But in the day to day, how can we move from a negative state to a positive state?

Follow these 5 steps to achieve a positive state:

1. Anchor in for positivity

Ever heard a song on the radio that takes you back to a sad place in your life and you feel an emotional response to it?  This is an example of an anchor at work.

An anchor is any stimulus that is associated with a specific response and can occur both consciously or unconsciously. You might describe an anchor as a trigger or something that sets us off on a particular emotional path.  It might be something that happens, something you see, something you hear or something you feel that brings about an emotional reaction, either positive or negative.  In the case of the sad song, you associated the song with a sad emotion at the time so it has become anchored into your unconscious. By simply hearing that song you now have a sad emotional response to it. 

In a positive scenario, you might find comfort when someone puts their arm around you, because at some time in the past you experienced a positive emotional response to that physical connection.  So wouldn’t it be good to be able to anchor in lots of positive states like calm, relaxation, motivation and confidence so that you can access them when the need arises?

When you understand how anchors work, you can set up resourceful anchors for yourself and purposefully use them as a powerful tool to positively manage your emotional state. With practice you can control your own state instead of allowing your state to control you.  Pretty empowering, don’t you think? 


2. Break up with your thoughts

…it’s possible that you are better than you thought

Your thinking determines your outcomes, so it’s a good idea to take stock of what your inner voice is telling you.  Do you find that you put yourself down with your self-talk?  Do you give yourself a multitude of reasons for not going after what you want?  Do you tell yourself that you’re not good enough?  Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs might keep you nicely tucked into your comfort zone, but they are not going to give you what you want. 

Imagine how well-formed those limiting beliefs might be after years of practise!  You see, the more you run those patterns of thinking, the more embedded they will become. They’re just the same as habits. They’ll ultimately determine your behaviour, and your results.

Once you start to become aware that your self-talk may well be sabotaging your happiness, you can do something about it. Notice your negative thoughts and negative language and actively break the pattern.

Stop yourself, reframe your thoughts into positive ones and speak with more positivity. It could be as simple as changing your pattern from “Nah, I can’t do that” to something like “I’ve never tried that before, so it’s possible that I am better at it than I thought. I might even be great at it.  I’ll give it a go”.   The effect of reframing your thinking could have a profound affect your business.

3. Turn it on its head

How you look at a situation will determine your experience of it. You have the choice to look at any situation in the positive or the negative.   Reframing is a great technique you can use when you are faced with a situation that brings about a negative emotional response in you or makes you feel disempowered.  By putting the situation in a different frame, you can change its meaning, enabling you to think about it in a more positive and empowering way.

So, for example, a missed opportunity which you might normally see as a loss or a failure can be viewed more positively say, as one that opens up alternative possibilities for you.  We can all choose to change our perception about anything.  If you put a positive spin on it you’ll notice that your states and behaviours will also change.

4. Get grateful

It might sound corny, but scientific and practical evidence suggests that focussing your mind on what you are grateful for in your life, really does make positive changes on a neurological level.  So get yourself a journal and start writing down all the things that you are grateful for. The important thing is to write daily. This process of writing down all the things that you are grateful for confirms to your unconscious mind that you are open and ready to receive more of what you want in your life.  

The law of attraction, a law of nature, says that we become what we focus on.  New things cannot come into your life if you are not grateful for what you have right now.


5. To be, or not to be

…find your sweet spot

Interestingly, just making the choice to cheer up will, in fact, make you feel better.   Run around a playground with a child and see if your mood doesn’t shift!  Try skipping around the room vocalising ‘Singing in the Rain’ at the top of your voice; it’s near impossible not to smile, let alone not feel more positive!

You can choose to exhibit the more successful parts of your own behaviour or model other positive people to bring about improvements in your thinking and behaviour.

So find your sweet spot. What are the things that make you happy? Optimise your opportunities to connect with them. Get out there and do them. And if you can’t think of anything in the moment, jump on someone else’s bandwagon and join in the fun.

Use Bartercard to expand your thinking, consider different options for your business and meet new people that you can interact positively and authentically with.

Author: Gillian Skeer

Master Coach NLP at Creative Coaching Solutions, offers professional Life and Success Coaching and Training to clients internationally, and is based in Perth, Western Australia.  Premium-level in-person, Skype and phone coaching is available.
Connect with Gillian Skeer Master Coach NLP at 0417 908 925 or http://www.creativecoach.co
Check out more of Gillian’s blogs and subscribe to her e-updates at  http://creativecoach.co/blog/






Christine says ...
Your 5 steps were just what I needed this morning. I was feeling very overwhelmed this morning with so much to do and not knowing where to start. I am a 48 year old mother of 4 with two at home (13 and 6). My husband owns a small business which he purchased approx. 14 mnths ago. I am a nurse but am not working at present due to psoriasis of my hands from excess hand washing and probably poor lifestyle. I am in process of changing lifestyle, learning my husbands admin and marketing side of business and trying to complete a course in property investing that we outlayed quite a bit of money to do. All this and trying to bring up young children healthily and happily is just all getting on top of me. I sometimes feel like it is doing my head in. I am very good at negative internal talk of myself. I am also feeling like I need to get a paid job as money is quite tight. It was like your talk on Barter was meant for me at the right time. I try to remain focused on keeping positive but sometimes something will just trigger the emotions inside. Thank you. 5cz
Christine says ...
Please do not publish my last comment on line. Thank you